The Art of Letting Go

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So I recently decided to actually let go of something and so as I went through that process and did my daily journaling, I’ve decided to share that experience with you all.

Like many of you, I’ve never truly understood the term “let it go”. I thought I understood and I often thought I did let things go and some things I have. I’ve never really been the type to hold grudges or be angry and bitter for long, it’s just not in my nature or makeup, which I’m thankful for.

But this experience in my life for the last couple of months have really been life transforming for me. And believe me, it was not a great year BUT in a way it was (I’ll explain later).

This year has been an emotional rollercoaster and to stay on track, there was something very big that I was holding on to. I mean my grip was so tight, it would’ve taken the jaws of life to release and free what I was holding.

I was holding on so tight and wasn’t even aware of how tight I was holding on to it until I actually let go.

As I’ve gone through this intentional transformation of myself than it came to a natural point that I HAD to let it go. My body could no longer hold on to him or it while learning a new way of being. My hand was forced to open. Like letting a bird out of its cage and telling him, “you are free, I release you”.

So with all that being said, here are some things I learned that you have to do in order to let go for them but mainly for you…

And let me say, letting go is simple not easy…

Steps to Letting Go and Freeing Yourself:

1. Stop listening to others. Be cautious of who your confiding in. Most people who give advice have good intentions but they don’t know what they don’t know and they can only speak from their experience. Check the fruit… meaning does the evidence of their life or more specifically the area your questioning, where you want to be? If not, then they may not want to be the one you confide in. What one person sees as impossible is possible for another.

2. Evaluate why you’re holding on. When I decided to let go, I found that the reason I was holding on was because I wanted to keep control over something I literally had no control over and that of my fears. We also sometimes think we’re doing a favor for the other people as funny as that sounds. But mostly everything leads to the same.. fears!

3. Leads me into… check your fears. Letting go is an aftermath to checking, facing and getting rid of your fears. The reason your holding on is because your scared… your scared to be alone, your scared to love again, your scared you won’t love again, your scared life will be different, which it will, you fear them connecting to someone else and so on there are a million fears that come.. your scared to feel the pain and hurt. And even though I’m referring to a relationship here, this can be applied to anything you’re trying to let go. It’s the fear of the unknown, getting out of your comfort zone that kept you “safe” for so long. So nothing happens until to face your fears. Facing your fears is what releases all the resistance.

4. Make a decision. When I let go, I made the decision. I was ready, I wasn’t hesitant, I wasn’t “ok I’m going to try to let go (again)” like I was or have. That doesn’t work. YOU have to be ready. You have to make the decision. No lukewarm, either hot or cold. It doesn’t matter how many people tell you to let it go or try to help you, you still have to be the one to do it. There were times I hoped my friends could convince me enough to stick to my decision but it wasn’t enough that they made valid points or were supportive. The real support and/or accountability came after I made the decision.

5. Self growth. Decide to be better. That’s not to say you weren’t good but we can all improve. This is life, we’re never finished growing and changing and learning until we’re finished. Relationships take a lot out of us and especially when they go wrong. You obviously need to recover if your reading this, but honestly, we all do. And besides that, when we go from sharing time with someone to now having all our own time than there’s room to grow.

I was determined to be better and quickly for many different reasons. The main motivation was because I am a {new} single mom so I couldn’t and can’t afford to be emotionally unavailable, my kids need me and I need me. I didn’t want to waste time moping around. And quite frankly, the pain of heartbreak was excruciating. It was painful and I couldn’t sit and dwell in it. I NEEDED healing to start and to take place. So I decided to be proactive with my growth and recovery and to put things in place to help me. And again it’s simple but not easy. But its necessary for your recovery. Besides thin about it.. the last way to get anything good for yourself, whether you wanted to get back with your ex or the opportunity to come back the best way is to get up and start putting back together the pieces.

In the process of me growing is when I came to a point that I had to let go (yesterday). As I was sitting at the bus stop waiting for my 6 yr old. As I was taking in the beauty of the outside, the breeze, the birds, and enjoying it, which is all apart of my process of growing, taking deep breaths, than out of my deep breath came, “I’m letting go, I have decided, I am no longer holding on to this”. Just like that. And it felt so good! My body relaxed, I had tension I wasnt even aware of. And all of sudden you’ll feel free, light, relaxed, happy. True authentic feelings.

Letting go is an art and it’s simple to do but not easy.

You can try the harder way (to me anyway) of just saying “I’m letting them or it go” and sometimes it work but if its something deeper, you will just go through a crazy cycle. Instead, go through the process and enjoy it!

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